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Unapologetically me written over a yellow box

I’ve always been a try-er. I can’t remember a day I wasn’t a part of some challenge I had set for myself. I can’t remember a time where I was just exsisting with no goal in mind. Granted, as a preteen my goals were less elaborate than they are now. “I want to stay up for 24 hours!” I remember, was one early goal. Little did I know I would get to complete this goal many times over ten years later in college.

“I’m going to read this book in two days!” Was another. There was no prize, nobody assuring I completed it, but it was FUN. And that’s why I still do it to this day. I find challenges fun. It’s probably the gamer coming out in me. A quest, a challenge, something to beat and win and accomplish. It gives me motivation, purpose, excitement and entertainment!

I know I can be a bit much for people. I am intense and show all my emotions pretty clearly. I’m excited often and I get loud and overwhelming to those not prepared haha. I have, in the past, felt shame for being the way I am. That negative self talk would set in… “You talk too much, you’re going to overwhelm people, you need to calm down, you need to care less…” I never saw this as negative self talk though, I always thought it was constructive critisism. It wasn’t, it was my insecurities about how others would see me trying to change who I was. Trying to tone me down from a ten to a five. Lower the volume, speak less, don’t be so passionate. WHAT.

Maybe it’s that I have a kid now. Maybe it was just the stars aligning to allow me to see. I would never want Eli to think anything like that! I want him to express himself fully, openly, without shame, without fear of what anyone may think or say. Just be exactly who he is and let the world think whatever they want. I want him to be loud if he wants to and express his thoughts as often as he wants to. So why should I “calm down”? Why should I tone myself down? Why should I feel sorry for overwhelming people?

It’s pretty clear in my mind now. As this lovely woman I met recently, Lindsay Tompkins, says, “If I’m too much for you, then I’m not for you.” I’m going to try all the things, and I’m going to talk about them. I will fail at things and I will more openly share my faliures, and just as openly share my successes. I will try things that seem insane to you. I will try things that you may want to roll your eyes at. But I will try them, and I will have fun with it all. Because just like some people get enjoyment out of movies, video games, going to theme parks, etc, I get enjoyment out of trying new things and seeing how I do. I get enjoyment out of setting weird challenges for myself and trying to complete them.

So if you’re that eye rolling, unsupportive, “Maria is too much,” type person in my life. Chao! And because my word is gratitude for the year, Thank you! Thank you for making me learn some lessons about sticking up for myself, for making me learn that you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, for making me learn that sometimes in life you’re going to be faced with negativity and it has nothing to do with you but with them. All we can control is how we react to situations, so I will continue to grow and work on not getting so worked up when someone is rude or dismissive but rather smile, flip my hair and say “Thank you, NEXT.”

“You are perfect. To think anything less is as pointless as a river thinking that it’s got too many curves or that it moves too slowly or that its rapids are too rapid. Says who? You’re on a journey with no defined beginning, middle or end. There are no wrong twists and turns. There is just being. And your job is to be as you as you can be. This is why you’re here. To shy away from who you truly are would leave the world you-less. You are the only you there is and ever will be. I repeat, you are the only you there is and ever will be. Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.” 

— Jen Sincero, You Are A Badass
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big mo why starting and stopping is self sabotage

Alright, enough with this starting and stopping. Enough with every year making the same resolutions, over and over again. ENOUGH. You have to get mad. As Dave Ramsey says, you have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Give this starting and stopping a rest. We are not a tree. We are not stationary. Every time you stop and start again, you are not just picking up where you left off. You are losing covered ground.

When you’re doing all the right things. Every day you are consistently working towards getting better at your goal. Maybe you trip up one day, but you continue on. You don’t stop. You’ll find you’ll meet this guy I know called Big Mo. Big Mo is the momentum you build by sticking with your plan, with your meal plan, with your goals. This guy is on your side and he only shows up when you stay consistent at your goals. Big Mo is a force to be reckoned with.

He’ll inspire you and bring about an abundance of opportunity and success. The more you keep at it, the stronger he gets, and the stronger you get. Every day you push play on your workout, you write those 500 words towards your novel, you refrain from unnecessary spending, whatever it is you’re shooting for, you take one step forward every single day.

Here’s what happens when you stop.

Big Mo get’s a little smaller on the first day. So this one thing comes up and you choose to put your goals on hold. Because it’s ok, you’ll just pick back up right where you left off right? Wrong. Another day, another missed opportunity. Every day your body gets weaker, that creative writing roll you were on loses focus and you forget why you had a no-spend-month goal in the first place and order pizza because it’s Friday. A week goes by, maybe another. Big Mo is nowhere to be found. You decide the break is over, time to reboot those goals you were working on. Well, guess what. It’s harder now.

Those workouts you were crushing last month feel like the first day all over again. You can notice a difference in how you’ve let your nutrition go and how much less energy you have. That novel you were working on requires a read through to remember where you left off. You seem to have forgotten the train of thought you were on and what you were planning next. A waste of precious time. You check your bank account to do your budget again and realize you went over on the ‘eating out’ category by… a lot.

Those are all hypothetical, but they’re very much the truth. See, while you were taking a break, you were taking steps backward. We are not a tree, we are not stationary. We move and flow with life in this weird endless tango.

You may have forgotten what Big Mo looks like, and that’s ok. He’s always a couple days away from showing up. You just have to start, and not stop. No matter what, no matter why.

Sometimes Quitting is the answer.

Now let’s be clear. Some things are not meant to be forever. You have to have a heart to heart conversation with yourself and ask yourself if all this starting and stopping is because of a lack of focus or a lack of PASSION. Once you’ve lost the passion, and you feel like you should go separate ways with what once was your goal, then be honest and ask yourself the hard questions. Don’t keep adding a task to your to do list just because you feel you SHOULD. You need to WANT it. With all of yourself. So keep your chin up. People say winners never quit. But they do quit, all the time. They quit doing things that are not getting them to their goal. And they recalculate often, always ensuring they are headed to where they want to be.

Love, always

Mariangelica

 

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I turned 27, and no, I am still not an expert at life (is anyone, really?) but I have learned a few life lessons that I wasn’t entirely aware of in my teen years that I wish I had known. I wanted to share them, in case any of these resonated with some of your own life lessons. Let me know in the comments what’s one thing you’ve learned in your life that you didn’t grasp when you were a teenager?

Let me know in the comments what’s one thing you’ve learned in your life that you didn’t grasp when you were a teenager?

1. Energy is real, and it’s important.

The energy we surround ourselves with every day is something to take note on. The energy we put out into the world with our thoughts will come to us. So be positive and surround yourself with positive, good, cleansing and healing energy and remove yourself from situations where you feel your energy being sucked out.

2. Take a compliment.

Being self conscious, having body image issues, feeling less then, or being insecure all lead to very many different ways of taking a compliment. Do you compliment back, do you believe they are just telling you that because they feel like they need to. Do you look down in the dumps and that’s why they said something nice to you? The amount of damaging thoughts we have sometimes it’s unreal. Just say “Thank you”.

3. Enjoy the time with your loved ones.

People go unexpectedly. They’re here today and gone tomorrow. There’s things I wanted to say, wish I would have said and long for just one more hug and smile from them. I know they’re in the most incredible spirit realm. I know and trust they are happy and calm and with all the goodness that are other pure souls, but if it’s taught me anything it’s to cherish those souls when they are around me in this plane. To hug and cherish every good time, and love deeply.

4. Green veggies are for all.

It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I lived off of morning sugary cereals with hormone filled cow milk, lunched on white bread (sugar) with a cold cut meat and some cheese and dined on the only proper meal of my day which was my mom’s home cooked dinners of usually steak, potatoes and rice, avoiding salads at all costs. My life has done a complete backflip, or would this be considered a front flip… I have educated myself and continue to do so (because really there’s just so much to learn) on the importance of food, the importance of real ingredients and the importance of eating locally grown produce. I’ve stopped eating land and air animals and my health has become of clear importance in my life.

5. Love fully and deeply.

There was once a quote I read that said something like “The one that loves less has more power in a relationship.” When I was young and was just getting over the biggest heart break of my teenage years I believed these words. I thought they made perfect sense. If I love less I’ll be protected, if I love less, I can’t be hurt.

But this, young me, was foolish and wrong and thankfully, you understood what true, real, and passionate love was all about and power was never a part of that homemade description. I have learned of love in these 27 years, and I will continue to learn from it when new milestones occur, and when there are little ones to love, but for now I am grateful for the lessons of love I have had so far, for I love fully, and deeply and with no holding back because there is no fear of ever being hurt.

6. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one will.

You have to believe it, because at the end of the day, no one else belief matters quite like yours. So trust yourself. This one took a while to learn.

7. Try something before you say you don’t like it.

This was not true of me in the past when it came to food that’s for sure, but when it comes to life, heck yes. I’m a trier. I try a bit of everything, and sometimes I get really passionate about something new and give it my all. Sometimes I burn out and lose focus, and other times I don’t. This is how you learn more about yourself, about what you’re like and about what you can do! Try everything! Say yes to the opportunity. Figure it out along the way!

8. Done is better than perfect.

Accomplishing something is better than quitting because you don’t feel like it will turn out quite how you want it to. I’ve been guilty of this so so so many times in the past. Why write that novel if I don’t think I’m very good? Why be a coach when I don’t have a facebook fan page. It doesn’t matter, you do it because you had told yourself you were going to, and breaking a promise to yourself just tells the universe you are not that important.

9. It’s all in the process.

The destination is pretty freaking cool. But the journey you take to getting there is where the story lies, it’s where the meat of the lesson is in.

10. Do the work.

You want to be something, do something, achieve something? Do the work, make hard decisions, wake up every day with full commitment and intention.

11. Knowing WHY is the most important piece of knowledge.

It doesn’t matter how you are going to do something or when, doesn’t even matter what you are going to do if you don’t know why you are doing it. When your why is strong you will not fail, you will not quit and you will give it your all.

12. I have a lot more to give of myself, and to be.

I am young, although my mind fights me on that one and whispers how close 3-0 truly is. Truthfully, I am excited for what is to come and how my role as a woman will change over the next few years. I am in love with the idea that I will become someone else, a new version of me when I become a mother and am looking forward to all that I will gain from it.

13. Focus on what you can control, and only that.

I’m a planner, and plans are always written down, on paper, in ink. Not erasable, and crystal clear. Life though doesn’t always get the memo, and sad things happen that surprise you by morphing into wonderful lessons on patience and strength.

14. Lighten up, and don’t take yourself so seriously.

It’s ok to be silly, it’s ok to joke around and have a funny conversation just because and not because it’s tied to a specific goal. Breathe, live and enjoy.

15. Every person has a story.

It’s complicated and raw, it has hardships and it has beauty. It seems easy to some, and impossible to others. But they are all real and they are all special and they all have meaning.

16. The world will only change when you do.

Complaining and sharing depressing news about the state of the world on social media won’t get us anywhere. If there’s something you want changed, you want people to be kinder, more giving, more self less, more trustworthy, then you have to start with yourself. Change yourself and you can change the world.

17. Finances are something to get educated about.

How I wish finances were a topic in high-school, in middle school even, and it should be mandatory for every college student to take a course in. For someone who has a slight anxiety issue when it comes to money, the only way I was able to have peace of mind was when we got our finances in order. There is endless information on the internet but for the most part this statement rings true: “Don’t spend what you don’t have, and give every dollar a job.”

18. Vacation and let loose.

Take time for yourself and your relationship. Disconnect and unwind. Do nothing for 3 days and lounge in your PJs, no matter the style of vacationing you prefer. Make the time, give it importance because these are moments our soul needs to reset.

19. Smiles are powerful.

A stranger on the street, someone passing you on the hallway. Smiling makes people’s lives better. They can save lives, they can make invisible people seen. They have power we do not understand.

20. Learn more life lessons

Be a sponge, learn from everyone, gather inspiration from the world. Teach yourself about life.

21. Gratefulness is key in attracting good things in life.

The law of attraction, have you heard of it? Well did you know it works just as well if we complain and think negative thoughts? We’ll just have more of that, which nobody wants. Instead we need to focus on being grateful for all we have, every day, every moment. When we practice this every day we will see the things we are grateful for will multiply!

22 People deserve a second chance.

People have wronged me, they’ve been cruel, and horrible. They could be family, they could be friends, either way. Bless and release. If they care enough to try again, to rekindle what was there, and you feel safe in doing so, people deserve another chance. You may be surprised with who they’ve become!

23. I will never escape stress.

Stress is felt by everyone in many different ways, and accepting that it’s something that will morph and grow with me is something I have learned to understand. Management of stress and understanding how it manifests are all topics to learn more about and knowing that just because you don’t ‘feel’ stressed doesn’t mean you aren’t. Sometimes it is reflected in a weak body part or muscle.

24. Your passion is everything.

Find what you are passionate about and when you find a way to do that every day, the amount of happiness and joy it will bring into your life will be incredible and noticed by all.

25. Minimalism is the key to many issues.

Buy less things, accumulate less things, spend money on experiences. Collect memories. Live freely.

26. Family is more than blood.

Sometimes you find family along the way.

27. I am enough.

I need only be who I want to be. There is just one person who can be me, and it’s me. I am intelligent, honest and caring. I am my friend, and I am enough.

27 Life lessons. In 27 years. If I live to be 100, I’ll have learned 73 more. Ooof, long way to go! So much to experience, so much to learn.

Much love,

Mariangelica

 

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