The sun was shining yesterday! Enough that you could actually feel the warmth on your skin. It’s exciting, the sun finally warming something up again. The snow melting its way into puddles and small mounds on street corners. It’s like change is coming, and every day is different from the last.

It’s slowly hitting me how quickly time is passing. Maybe it’s my daily changing body, maybe it’s the fact that i’m no longer throwing up every day so days are starting to blend together. Maybe it’s the weather and the snow and the fact my thermostat is getting closer to matching the temperature outside. Whatever the case, I’m 5 months pregnant.

5 months.

That’s more than I’ve ever been pregnant before. It’s a miracle, truly. Every morning I see my reflection in the mirror and I’m growing more in love with my changing silhouette by the day. It’s looking rounder, different, and I’ve never felt this way so consistently, day after day. Everyday I am in awe of what my body is doing. How it’s taking a little being and turning them into a tiny human who now is as long as a banana.

We have our ultrasound this morning and i’m excited, and for the first time going into the ultrasound room, not scared. I know the little baby is in there and not just because I threw up three times in the office bathroom yesterday after trying to eat a pear, followed by a banana smoothie. I know they’re in there because I feel them there. I know they are curled up all comfy in their favourite spot, and it could have been nothing, or it could have been everything but i felt something move inside me. It caught me so off guard I couldn’t tell you I was sure it was the baby, but it was strong and it was like nothing else I’ve felt before. It made me eager for when their little feet and hands more consistently drum against my insides. I’m told I’m not going to love those kicks at night when I’m trying to sleep, or when they become strong enough to disrupt an activity, but I can’t see that happening. Similarly to how they told me I would hate morning sickness and it grew to be my good friend and anxiety protector. I’m ready to cherish all of it, and I’m eager for this next stage I’m about to enter as the countdown begins until we meet our beautiful little one.

There’s a lot I want to do, and there’s a lot I want to not do. For now, I’m trying to do more of the things I want to and removing myself as often as possible from situations I don’t want to be a part of! Time is your lifelong companion, and how you use it and value it eventually shapes you. So I’m conscious, and aware of this, but then at the same time sometimes I just say ah screw it and lay down on the couch with Netflix at my fingertips.

Balance y’all.

My word is balance.

 


Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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Best Nine Memories from July

What can I say? July was full of ups and downs. Still though, since I write these as the new month starts I can tell you progress has been made.

One

We’re just a month away from hitting our one year mark in our home and since we’ve been here we’ve very much dedicated our time to the first floor. It’s gotten the most love as it’s where we mostly hang out and where we entertain, but over the past little while, I have been lacking in a peaceful feeling when going to bed. Organization is key, but let’s be honest, we don’t put our clothes away right after it comes out of the dryer, it may linger around for a couple days until we have a giant pile that we sort through. But during those in between days we’re in this constant movement of objects on and off the bed, a lack of order and a place for things made me feel like we’d never make progress. The colours were also so dark that it was hard to feel light and airy. Without thinking much more about it we sold the bed frame, moved out unnecessary furniture, and added a couple new fresh wooden pieces that immediately lifted the place up from its darkness. Now we feel so calm going to bed, draped in white and surrounded by so much less. Also, we’ve been very good about folding the laundry right away!

Two

Our wedding anniversary always stretches into July because of Canada Day and there always being a long weekend which we love. We starting the weekend with hitting some softballs at the range! Catching a midday movie and eating so much sushi. The rest of the weekend had us going to the beach and sleeping under the sun. Playing in the water and then sleeping some more. Some board games to close off the long week with mom and Kike was the perfect way to get back into regular life and back to another work week.

Three

I’ve been a workout from home type of girl for many years now. I found that I wanted to switch things up a bit. My mental health beat me down this month and those home workouts were not getting done, adding to the guilt and horrible feelings I was going through. I figured getting out of the house and making a monetary commitment would push me to break away from this lack of activity and it sure has. I just bought 10 one hour sessions with a martial arts trainer who has been kicking my ass. She leaves me breathless and sprawled on the floor in disbelief it’s over but also feeling so energized, strong, and proud of what I just accomplished. After seeing her for a couple weeks I started working out at home, and slowly my motivation has been coming back.

Four

It’s kind of cool how organically and easily your family grows. For many immigrants with little to no blood family around you create this wonderful chosen family. Sure, some of it comes through marriages and children, but it’s kind of wonderful how easily close friends become part of the ‘family club’. Our Latin roots pull us close and the shared pain and history of leaving our loved ones behind keep us leaning on one another. We had a wonderful day at the park with lots of our family. It was a huge event with the typical mountains of food and adorable babies, though this time they featured cute swimming suits to play at the splash pad! Lawn games, good chats and sharing together was a great reminder how many great people we have close.

Five

So, have you heard of Zombies Run? It’s an award winning app that has an incredible story line and incredible voice actors. As you run you get to hear parts of the story, where you’re a key part! You collect items to help the township continue to survive the Zombie outbreak. It’s actually quite entertaining, and a huge motivator to get out there running, jogging or walking, but boy can it be creepy. The sounds of zombies in your ears means you have to run faster or they’ll catch you, and if you manage to hold them off you’ll evade them. I was so motivated I went on two runs on the same day! When you’re having a rough month when it comes to motivation you have to use it up as soon as you get it!

Six

Camping. We thought we’d give it another try. Happy we did, because now we really know we don’t enjoy it 🙂 We had an amazing time hanging out with my closest girls and their husbands, but we had another guest… mosquitos. Hundreds of them. And I’m not exaggerating because Azra had like over 80 bites so… The beach times were great, and talking and sharing with them was wonderful, it always is, no matter where we are. Though sadly, this time we were outside haha. It’s actually quite shocking that we dislike camping that much, so we got right down to it and realized it’s not the sleeping in tents, that part is so nice, and it’s not the fact you have to cook things over a fire, it forces you to slow down which is a great thing to be forced to do. It’s the damn bugs! Who knows… Maybe a fall time camping experience is still in the books and who knows, we may love it! I have my doubts though… The best part of the trip was celebrating some wonderful news we got from our friends, so if there was something to highlight from that trip it was how happy we all were!

Seven

When Sofia, my niece, was a few days old we spent the night with her. (This is also why we pushed off having kids… hahah) but in all seriousness, looking at that tiny human being, it would have been impossible to realize how much more you could love her. As she has gotten older and talks about everything and anything we’ve been able to get to know the special little girl we love so much. Stealing her away to go for ice cream was a nice treat but it also made me think about all the future moments I can’t even imagine that we’ll get to share together. What a joy it is to be an aunt.

Eight

We had a wonderful day visiting Grandma Carmen. Christian’s grandma has Alzheimer’s, the same disease that eventually took the life of my paternal grandmother. I never got to be with my grandma during her illness as she lived in Colombia and soon grew nervous and scared when video skyping with people as she couldn’t recognize us or understand how we were inside a little metal box. I’m grateful for the memories I made with Grandma Carmen. I know how funny she was and she still manages to be! We loved hugging her and getting her to dance and clap along with her childhood tunes. So much love for this old lady.

Nine

This is supposed to be a ‘best memories’ recap. And I will say, this month it was hard to see anything as the best of anything. Days blurred together. My motivation hit the lowest of lows. I struggled with feelings of worthlessness, failure and an overwhelming cloud of sadness. With how much I have learned and read about these things I thought I could fight it off, I thought it would be like a bad cold. I’d be down for a few days and then bounce back up after some long naps. But those naps became all I wanted to do. It’s been an incredibly challenging mental month. I’ve got a road of work ahead of me, I know it. It’s not going to be easy, and right now, everything seems very dark. I felt like I needed to write this blurb to keep this as a part of my history for the month. The goal of these recaps is to be able to have them to look back on and remind myself of how many wonderful moments I was able to experience. Although this is a hard moment, it’s something I hope future me can look back on and feel like a whole new person.

In July I was grateful for…

  • Having a long weekend to celebrate our anniversary, every year haha.
  • Dressing up our room to make it feel very relaxed and calm.
  • Apples and cinnamon. All day every day.
  • Meeting with a nutritionist to figure out why I get bloated so often.
  • Seeing my body get toned.
  • Softball. A work in progress.
  • Being surprised with another day off and going on two runs that same day.
  • Starting with a personal trainer to help push me beyond my comfort level.
  • Although I struggled a lot with my mental health this month, many friends and family were there to support me, I’m grateful for them and the impact they have in my life.
  • Packing up for vacation with friends.
  • Friends who are fun and silly and love having a good time.
  • Bug Spray.
  • Sweaters.
  • Costco food shopping.
  • Grateful kike got to go visit Daniel and Michelle in BC.
  • Making crafty things to help keep my motivation up.
  • Christian for his endless support and his help during a very hard month mentally.
  • Having the fitbit to keep me accountable and competitive even on days I didn’t want to move.
  • Sofia being adorable and old enough to take out to ice cream dates.
  • Visiting Christian’s grandma and seeing her light up at the sounds of her childhood music.
  • Pool day at a friend’s house and fun times with board game people.
  • Wearing a headband and not hating it.
  • Finding a positive way to look at my constant failures at hitting the ball with a bat.
  • Spikes in motivation that help pull me from moments of inexplicable sadness and defeat.
  • Congo being super photogenic.
  • Homecooked meals.
  • Beautiful views as we drive home and to work.
  • Surviving an Insanity workout.
  • Mango and Ice.

Look out for another Best Nine next month to hear all about August!

Mariangelica

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11things

I was nominated by Lisa and you can check out her answers here! Here we go!

Would you rather be able to sing or dance?

This is a hard one! I love singing, I sing every day! But since I started doing pole dancing I have really wished I was able to dance naturally and flow form one move to the other. I think it’d be so neat to be able to hear a song and come up with a choreography to it!! I think I’ll have to choose singing for this one!!

What is your favourite thing to do during “me” time?

During my ‘me’ time I hop between many activities! It really all depends on my mood and what I’ve been into that week! These activities could involve reading pregnancy books, pinning baby articles on my pinterest, writing fiction, working on my beachbody business where I am a free fitness coach to those looking to get started on the path towards health and fitness, cuddling with my puppy, learning a new song on the guitar… I have way too many hobbies!

If you could travel anywhere, where would it be?

If I could travel anywhere I’d have to take my husband with me and go to Bora Bora because he’s always wanted to go there and it’s just so overly expensive that I think just a free trip will get us there haha.

High heels or flats?

FLATS. All day every day. I wear heels when I go out with my girlfriends out dancing but on a regular basis? Flats.

What time do you get up in the morning?

It varies so much, depending on what I’m doing that day, on a regular basis i’ll be up anywhere from 7am to 8:30am!

What is your favorite holiday?

Christmas for sure. I love Christmas music, Christmas decorations, family time, the smell of christmas candles and cinamon. It’s to pearly white outside. it’s a great time overall!!

What is the one thing you would splurge on even if you have no money?

Board Games! Endless hours of fun, you really get your money’s worth!! I am obsessed with strategy board games that may seem confusing to many and take like a full hour or so to LEARN. So fun.

Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate. Always!

What is your guilty pleasure song?

Any Disney song, Backstreetboys song, Avril – but def Disney, I can listen to Disney songs all day.

Where was the last place you ate dinner out at?

The Works!! It’s hard to find a good veggie burger, and then harder to find a place that has veggie burgers AND gluten free buns! I LOVE their Spicy Die Cut Chips!

Your favorite place to be in the whole world?

Home on the couch with my husband making plans for our next trip!

I nominate:

  1. Chasin’ Mason
  2. Loving Littles
  3. Discovering Parenthood

Here are YOUR 11 questions!

  1. What is your favourite quality in others?
  2. If you were an animal what would you be?
  3. What is the last nice thing someone did for you?
  4. What was your favourite subject in highschool?
  5. If you could travel somewhere for free where would you go?
  6. What would you tell your 18 year old self?
  7. What is your favourite hobby?
  8. If you wrote an ebook what would the title be?
  9. Why do you blog?
  10. What colour would your hair be if upkeep wasn’t an issue?
  11. What’s your favourite store? What’s the last thing you bought there?
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