I’ve been struggling with something lately that has kept me from my regular routine. I’ve been thinking about ignoring it and posting about healthy recipes and how to be motivated to workout but honestly, right now, I’d feel like a hypocrite if I did any of those things. I think it’s easy to think I have it all figured out. I rarely do let my walls down as I believe in positivity and sharing all that is good and bright with the world. The dark things, well I keep those to myself, as I do not think they will benefit anyone or make anyone’s day better, and really that’s part of the reason I share so much of me. I want to help, I want others to be well, I want to make you think about something mundane in a new light. It’s something that fills my heart.

When I struggle, and I fall, and I have trouble following my own advice I just go silent. I stop posting for a few days and barely look at social media. And it happens. I often go through waves and I’m working constantly on balance. I like to try things. Everyone knows that one thing about me. They may also know I tend to try hard, and intensely and sometimes I wear myself out in the midst of it all. I need a break I retreat from everything and cocoon myself until I feel recharged and ready to go again. It’s something I’ve done most of my adult life and it has got to stop.

I love how lost I get in the excitement of something new. I love how much of myself I give to people and situations and things I’m interested in. I love all of it. I don’t love the moments I feel down, depressed, crippled with an inability to get up and do anything productive. When focusing on simple tasks at work seem like they will use up all of my remaining gasps of energy and when the idea of making food is so tiring I’d rather sleep for hours on end. Therefore, change has to happen. I write this, still unsure if I will publish it but I’m a writer, and this is how I heal, this is my therapy, this is how I make sense of things and see them for the first time very clearly. It’s like speaking with myself in an uncluttered environment because the page is blank when I start speaking and you can only write one word at a time. The countless things in my mind have to get in line and only one thought can come out at a time. A peaceful reflexion when the haze of everything threatens to take over. I love writing.

Unable to write anything else, I think this will do. I’ve sat down to blog about countless other things this last month, but nothing would come. Sitting here minutes after pouring this out I am sure this is what I needed to do in order to break the wall of my creativity and motivation.

I am doing well and I have an amazing support system in my family and friends. I hope if you’ve been struggling with motivation, getting started on your plans or projects, or simply struggling with getting through the day and still smiling, then know it happens to all of us. We’re always switching from one end of the spectrum to the other. Sometimes you’re up while other times you’re down. No matter the reason, know you’re not alone. And sometimes this cloud leaves as quickly as it came while other times some work has to be done in order to keep it moving right along.

Yay to breaking the wall. Up next, a recap of all the great things June brought with it.

Much love always,

Mariangelica


Photo by Dean Johns on Unsplash

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vegetarian, pescatarianVegan, Vegetarian, Lacto Vegetarian, Ovo Vegetarian, Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian, Pollotarian, Pescatarian, Raw, Rawtil4, Flexitarian.

Say that five times fast. You can learn more about what each of these are here. But the point is, wow. There are so many ways to label what we choose to put into our bodies. I’ve come to think about this topic because just this past March I hit 24 months of making a conscious decision as to the food I wanted to consume. My family isn’t vegetarian, or anywhere close to it. Back in March of 2015, we were a typical latin american family who gathered for parties and events to eat because really, we’re all there for the food, aren’t we?

Christian and I have this joke (but true story) we tell of one day early in our marriage when I got home to have my sweet husband tell me he had already made dinner. Steak! Yum. Oh and what else? No, just steak! We laugh about it now because of how much we have both grown and learned along the way. Food is something we experience many times a day, every day.

It is astonishing how little we used to think about it in the past. My mom always tried to get me to eat my veggies. I just wouldn’t budge and the colourful food was always left on my plate or I’d sneak it into one of my brother’s plates! Now as a married couple, cooking on our own, it didn’t seem so hard. Steak tastes good, pasta tastes good, extra cheesy hawaiian pizza with bacon tastes good. What is there to think about? Just follow your taste buds!

My sister though, who grew up elsewhere with her mom, was my first glimpse at a different way of eating. I also have a joke (but true story) I tell about how the first time I visited her in my teens I opened her cupboards to look for food and could only find what I called “rabbit food” Just seeds, and things in jars with gasp no labels?! And the fridge? A sea of mason jars with interestingly coloured things inside.

I walked over to the corner store purchased a loaf of white Wonderbread, a tub of margarine, Coca-Cola, and white cheese. Heading back up to her place with food, I put things away. But not after I made myself a nice grilled cheese sandwich with an ice cold coca cola to go with it. Food. I’m sure my sister was horrified, but she hid it well. While helping her with dinner I saw how she pulled out jars, seeds, some eggs, vegetables, and beans. No meat for this meal. How could something be a meal without meat? Instead, there were mushrooms and chickpeas and things I had always said I didn’t like, even when I hadn’t even given it a try. Typical teenager.

Through the years I continued to eat my way, with the additions that flourished when my mom made something delicious and then when I was done eating told me there had been carrots in it. Whatttt. Or when my yearly visits to Montreal to visit my sister would always end up in me trying something new that I actually liked. I didn’t try a pineapple or avocado until I was 20!

Somehow, somewhere, I started to think about food, and how there were all these things I never tried and assumed wouldn’t taste good. They were delicious, and interestingly, nutritious! If I look back, I think what I ate was never a concern because I wasn’t a large girl. I wasn’t overweight and didn’t look unhealthy. It’s a common mentality, and a wrong one, but regardless it is likely why food choices were not a common topic in my life.

In March of 2015, almost two years into our marriage, scrolling Netflix at home while waiting for my husband to come home from work I stumbled upon a documentary that changed my life. Forks Over Knives. I watched it in awe. I was horrified, alarmed, worried, interested, curious, and by the end, I was on my laptop researching many of the topics I had only just heard about for the first time in my life.

That very same day I decided to become Vegetarian. I just couldn’t unlearn what I had learned, I couldn’t unsee what I had seen. The numbers didn’t lie. Earlier in my life, I had seen those PETA videos, with the mistreatment of animals, and although I was horrified then, it didn’t make me stop eating meat. This though, data, information, and a new way of thinking for me made something happen, something click.

Originally, it came as a shock to most of my family. There were no vegetarians in our family, and it took a while for them to realize this was here to stay. “Oh, you don’t eat chicken either?” “Are you doing this to lose weight?” “You need protein, how are you going to get any protein if you don’t eat meat?” “This won’t last” “You need meat to be able to grow a healthy baby” “Think about the health of your future children” “Will your children eat meat?” “So what are you going to eat now? Salads forever?”

My mom came around quickly and to this day anytime we have an event or a gathering she’s always mindful to make something vegetarian, and to me, this is such an expression of love, love her for it. Naturally, Christian being the superstar he is supported me from day one and even made a plan to only eat meat if we were out with friends or out on an event but he would refrain from cooking it at home.

Through these last two years, he and I have learned more about food than in all the years of our lives prior. I have become obsessed with learning and trying. We have set foot in health food stores and regularly shop locally at farmer’s markets. I understand the value of food as a form of energy, health, and medicine. I have experienced incredible changes in energy, drive, motivation and positivity in my life. I had energy to begin exercising regularly, something I didn’t do often. I started helping other women in changing their life through the use of food and movement. I became passionate about helping others lead healthy lives, no matter if they ate meat or not.

Fish has been reintroduced into my diet in the last few months, and it’s actually interesting how natural this addition came back into my life. Through my research into things that I cared about, fish never made any appearances, thinking back, there were things in the first documentary I watched that I wasn’t following.

They spoke of the evils of anything that came from cow’s milk, yet although I don’t drink cow’s milk, I do consume cheese, butter and sometimes yogurt. They didn’t mention fish as a cause of many of the diseases and issues the documentary brought up yet I wasn’t eating it because it didn’t fall under the Vegetarian umbrella.

This was my lightbulb moment. In an age where we feel like we have to define ourselves to the world, labels help keep us in line and in check, because how hard would it be to explain that you’re not a vegan, but you don’t consume cow’s milk directly, and you are vegetarian, but you eat fish here and there, and you had that marshmallow during the campfire and yes it has gelatin, but… Do you see what’s happening?

The feeling to have to justify to your family, to the world, to yourself what you are is tiring and completely unnecessary. I have recently grown to understand that I am none of these labels. I choose to eat what brings me joy, and I choose to avoid some foods always or as often as I want to (looking at you gluten!)

So eat what you want to eat, but learn a thing or two about your food, whether you choose to care or not is up to you, but there’s nothing wrong with learning. I’ve been recently letting go of things that were bringing my life invisible stress and this issue had been one of them. I write on this blog for many reasons, but writing is one of my ways of getting my feelings out, and this is something I felt had to come out.

I’m happy doing me and to the person who judges or pokes fun at anyone for foods they put into their body, I simply feel sorry for you and wish for you to take a step back and rethink how to better add value to the world and to others, there are kinder ways of educating. Likewise, to those who choose to follow a strict diet and have your reasons as to why, know that not everyone is ready to change when you are, that everyone’s make up is different and although this has worked miracles for you, it may not be right for them and sometimes, just being an example to others of a healthy and happy life, how my sister was to me, does more to intrigue or help someone than flat out shaming or trying to convert everyone you meet to your way ever could.

You do you girl, label or no label.

Love,

Mariangelica

 

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big mo why starting and stopping is self sabotage

Alright, enough with this starting and stopping. Enough with every year making the same resolutions, over and over again. ENOUGH. You have to get mad. As Dave Ramsey says, you have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Give this starting and stopping a rest. We are not a tree. We are not stationary. Every time you stop and start again, you are not just picking up where you left off. You are losing covered ground.

When you’re doing all the right things. Every day you are consistently working towards getting better at your goal. Maybe you trip up one day, but you continue on. You don’t stop. You’ll find you’ll meet this guy I know called Big Mo. Big Mo is the momentum you build by sticking with your plan, with your meal plan, with your goals. This guy is on your side and he only shows up when you stay consistent at your goals. Big Mo is a force to be reckoned with.

He’ll inspire you and bring about an abundance of opportunity and success. The more you keep at it, the stronger he gets, and the stronger you get. Every day you push play on your workout, you write those 500 words towards your novel, you refrain from unnecessary spending, whatever it is you’re shooting for, you take one step forward every single day.

Here’s what happens when you stop.

Big Mo get’s a little smaller on the first day. So this one thing comes up and you choose to put your goals on hold. Because it’s ok, you’ll just pick back up right where you left off right? Wrong. Another day, another missed opportunity. Every day your body gets weaker, that creative writing roll you were on loses focus and you forget why you had a no-spend-month goal in the first place and order pizza because it’s Friday. A week goes by, maybe another. Big Mo is nowhere to be found. You decide the break is over, time to reboot those goals you were working on. Well, guess what. It’s harder now.

Those workouts you were crushing last month feel like the first day all over again. You can notice a difference in how you’ve let your nutrition go and how much less energy you have. That novel you were working on requires a read through to remember where you left off. You seem to have forgotten the train of thought you were on and what you were planning next. A waste of precious time. You check your bank account to do your budget again and realize you went over on the ‘eating out’ category by… a lot.

Those are all hypothetical, but they’re very much the truth. See, while you were taking a break, you were taking steps backward. We are not a tree, we are not stationary. We move and flow with life in this weird endless tango.

You may have forgotten what Big Mo looks like, and that’s ok. He’s always a couple days away from showing up. You just have to start, and not stop. No matter what, no matter why.

Sometimes Quitting is the answer.

Now let’s be clear. Some things are not meant to be forever. You have to have a heart to heart conversation with yourself and ask yourself if all this starting and stopping is because of a lack of focus or a lack of PASSION. Once you’ve lost the passion, and you feel like you should go separate ways with what once was your goal, then be honest and ask yourself the hard questions. Don’t keep adding a task to your to do list just because you feel you SHOULD. You need to WANT it. With all of yourself. So keep your chin up. People say winners never quit. But they do quit, all the time. They quit doing things that are not getting them to their goal. And they recalculate often, always ensuring they are headed to where they want to be.

Love, always

Mariangelica

 

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new year

The New Year, it’s finally here. I’m trying to think back to how I felt the last time I was in a new year and honestly, I just remember being happy. Being excited, and I feel very much the same now.

This past year:

We bought a house!

We reached the healthiest point in our lives. Though we lost our way after some unexpected events, we are going to get back there again.

We hosted many events full of friends, family, laughter and good company.

We made some amazing plans for the future wich we are still realizing today.

I saw many women completely change their life through my monthly challenge groups and was so humbled by it.

My husband and I had an incredibly difficult loss that brought us to the lowest points emotionally but we climbed out together, stronger than ever.

I lost an amazing uncle whom I will forever keep close to my heart.

I strengthened my relationship with all my female cousins thought the magic that is a WhatsApp group. I am so grateful for the opportunity that although many countries are between us we are all able to get to know more of each other and form a true sisterhood.

This new year, I’ve set some resolutions and goals that are trackable, and are specific and hopefully, this way will not get tossed to the wind:

I will workout 182 days out of the 365 days of the year.

I will eat 80% clean and reduce my dairy intake.

I will continue to grow in this beautiful marriage my husband and I have forged for ourselves.

We will travel to someplace warm.

We will pay off all of our debt, excluding our home.

I will take more videos of my husband, Congo and me. Photos are pretty but videos are special. I know we’ll love looking back through them in the future.

New year - family photo

I wish you the greatest year, filled with love, positivity, and happiness. I wish for your dreams to come true and the determination to achieve all the goals you have set for yourself.

Love,

Mariangelica

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