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The sun was shining yesterday! Enough that you could actually feel the warmth on your skin. It’s exciting, the sun finally warming something up again. The snow melting its way into puddles and small mounds on street corners. It’s like change is coming, and every day is different from the last.

It’s slowly hitting me how quickly time is passing. Maybe it’s my daily changing body, maybe it’s the fact that i’m no longer throwing up every day so days are starting to blend together. Maybe it’s the weather and the snow and the fact my thermostat is getting closer to matching the temperature outside. Whatever the case, I’m 5 months pregnant.

5 months.

That’s more than I’ve ever been pregnant before. It’s a miracle, truly. Every morning I see my reflection in the mirror and I’m growing more in love with my changing silhouette by the day. It’s looking rounder, different, and I’ve never felt this way so consistently, day after day. Everyday I am in awe of what my body is doing. How it’s taking a little being and turning them into a tiny human who now is as long as a banana.

We have our ultrasound this morning and i’m excited, and for the first time going into the ultrasound room, not scared. I know the little baby is in there and not just because I threw up three times in the office bathroom yesterday after trying to eat a pear, followed by a banana smoothie. I know they’re in there because I feel them there. I know they are curled up all comfy in their favourite spot, and it could have been nothing, or it could have been everything but i felt something move inside me. It caught me so off guard I couldn’t tell you I was sure it was the baby, but it was strong and it was like nothing else I’ve felt before. It made me eager for when their little feet and hands more consistently drum against my insides. I’m told I’m not going to love those kicks at night when I’m trying to sleep, or when they become strong enough to disrupt an activity, but I can’t see that happening. Similarly to how they told me I would hate morning sickness and it grew to be my good friend and anxiety protector. I’m ready to cherish all of it, and I’m eager for this next stage I’m about to enter as the countdown begins until we meet our beautiful little one.

There’s a lot I want to do, and there’s a lot I want to not do. For now, I’m trying to do more of the things I want to and removing myself as often as possible from situations I don’t want to be a part of! Time is your lifelong companion, and how you use it and value it eventually shapes you. So I’m conscious, and aware of this, but then at the same time sometimes I just say ah screw it and lay down on the couch with Netflix at my fingertips.

Balance y’all.

My word is balance.

 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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Best Nine Memories from July

What can I say? July was full of ups and downs. Still though, since I write these as the new month starts I can tell you progress has been made.

One

We’re just a month away from hitting our one year mark in our home and since we’ve been here we’ve very much dedicated our time to the first floor. It’s gotten the most love as it’s where we mostly hang out and where we entertain, but over the past little while, I have been lacking in a peaceful feeling when going to bed. Organization is key, but let’s be honest, we don’t put our clothes away right after it comes out of the dryer, it may linger around for a couple days until we have a giant pile that we sort through. But during those in between days we’re in this constant movement of objects on and off the bed, a lack of order and a place for things made me feel like we’d never make progress. The colours were also so dark that it was hard to feel light and airy. Without thinking much more about it we sold the bed frame, moved out unnecessary furniture, and added a couple new fresh wooden pieces that immediately lifted the place up from its darkness. Now we feel so calm going to bed, draped in white and surrounded by so much less. Also, we’ve been very good about folding the laundry right away!

Two

Our wedding anniversary always stretches into July because of Canada Day and there always being a long weekend which we love. We starting the weekend with hitting some softballs at the range! Catching a midday movie and eating so much sushi. The rest of the weekend had us going to the beach and sleeping under the sun. Playing in the water and then sleeping some more. Some board games to close off the long week with mom and Kike was the perfect way to get back into regular life and back to another work week.

Three

I’ve been a workout from home type of girl for many years now. I found that I wanted to switch things up a bit. My mental health beat me down this month and those home workouts were not getting done, adding to the guilt and horrible feelings I was going through. I figured getting out of the house and making a monetary commitment would push me to break away from this lack of activity and it sure has. I just bought 10 one hour sessions with a martial arts trainer who has been kicking my ass. She leaves me breathless and sprawled on the floor in disbelief it’s over but also feeling so energized, strong, and proud of what I just accomplished. After seeing her for a couple weeks I started working out at home, and slowly my motivation has been coming back.

Four

It’s kind of cool how organically and easily your family grows. For many immigrants with little to no blood family around you create this wonderful chosen family. Sure, some of it comes through marriages and children, but it’s kind of wonderful how easily close friends become part of the ‘family club’. Our Latin roots pull us close and the shared pain and history of leaving our loved ones behind keep us leaning on one another. We had a wonderful day at the park with lots of our family. It was a huge event with the typical mountains of food and adorable babies, though this time they featured cute swimming suits to play at the splash pad! Lawn games, good chats and sharing together was a great reminder how many great people we have close.

Five

So, have you heard of Zombies Run? It’s an award winning app that has an incredible story line and incredible voice actors. As you run you get to hear parts of the story, where you’re a key part! You collect items to help the township continue to survive the Zombie outbreak. It’s actually quite entertaining, and a huge motivator to get out there running, jogging or walking, but boy can it be creepy. The sounds of zombies in your ears means you have to run faster or they’ll catch you, and if you manage to hold them off you’ll evade them. I was so motivated I went on two runs on the same day! When you’re having a rough month when it comes to motivation you have to use it up as soon as you get it!

Six

Camping. We thought we’d give it another try. Happy we did, because now we really know we don’t enjoy it 🙂 We had an amazing time hanging out with my closest girls and their husbands, but we had another guest… mosquitos. Hundreds of them. And I’m not exaggerating because Azra had like over 80 bites so… The beach times were great, and talking and sharing with them was wonderful, it always is, no matter where we are. Though sadly, this time we were outside haha. It’s actually quite shocking that we dislike camping that much, so we got right down to it and realized it’s not the sleeping in tents, that part is so nice, and it’s not the fact you have to cook things over a fire, it forces you to slow down which is a great thing to be forced to do. It’s the damn bugs! Who knows… Maybe a fall time camping experience is still in the books and who knows, we may love it! I have my doubts though… The best part of the trip was celebrating some wonderful news we got from our friends, so if there was something to highlight from that trip it was how happy we all were!

Seven

When Sofia, my niece, was a few days old we spent the night with her. (This is also why we pushed off having kids… hahah) but in all seriousness, looking at that tiny human being, it would have been impossible to realize how much more you could love her. As she has gotten older and talks about everything and anything we’ve been able to get to know the special little girl we love so much. Stealing her away to go for ice cream was a nice treat but it also made me think about all the future moments I can’t even imagine that we’ll get to share together. What a joy it is to be an aunt.

Eight

We had a wonderful day visiting Grandma Carmen. Christian’s grandma has Alzheimer’s, the same disease that eventually took the life of my paternal grandmother. I never got to be with my grandma during her illness as she lived in Colombia and soon grew nervous and scared when video skyping with people as she couldn’t recognize us or understand how we were inside a little metal box. I’m grateful for the memories I made with Grandma Carmen. I know how funny she was and she still manages to be! We loved hugging her and getting her to dance and clap along with her childhood tunes. So much love for this old lady.

Nine

This is supposed to be a ‘best memories’ recap. And I will say, this month it was hard to see anything as the best of anything. Days blurred together. My motivation hit the lowest of lows. I struggled with feelings of worthlessness, failure and an overwhelming cloud of sadness. With how much I have learned and read about these things I thought I could fight it off, I thought it would be like a bad cold. I’d be down for a few days and then bounce back up after some long naps. But those naps became all I wanted to do. It’s been an incredibly challenging mental month. I’ve got a road of work ahead of me, I know it. It’s not going to be easy, and right now, everything seems very dark. I felt like I needed to write this blurb to keep this as a part of my history for the month. The goal of these recaps is to be able to have them to look back on and remind myself of how many wonderful moments I was able to experience. Although this is a hard moment, it’s something I hope future me can look back on and feel like a whole new person.

In July I was grateful for…

  • Having a long weekend to celebrate our anniversary, every year haha.
  • Dressing up our room to make it feel very relaxed and calm.
  • Apples and cinnamon. All day every day.
  • Meeting with a nutritionist to figure out why I get bloated so often.
  • Seeing my body get toned.
  • Softball. A work in progress.
  • Being surprised with another day off and going on two runs that same day.
  • Starting with a personal trainer to help push me beyond my comfort level.
  • Although I struggled a lot with my mental health this month, many friends and family were there to support me, I’m grateful for them and the impact they have in my life.
  • Packing up for vacation with friends.
  • Friends who are fun and silly and love having a good time.
  • Bug Spray.
  • Sweaters.
  • Costco food shopping.
  • Grateful kike got to go visit Daniel and Michelle in BC.
  • Making crafty things to help keep my motivation up.
  • Christian for his endless support and his help during a very hard month mentally.
  • Having the fitbit to keep me accountable and competitive even on days I didn’t want to move.
  • Sofia being adorable and old enough to take out to ice cream dates.
  • Visiting Christian’s grandma and seeing her light up at the sounds of her childhood music.
  • Pool day at a friend’s house and fun times with board game people.
  • Wearing a headband and not hating it.
  • Finding a positive way to look at my constant failures at hitting the ball with a bat.
  • Spikes in motivation that help pull me from moments of inexplicable sadness and defeat.
  • Congo being super photogenic.
  • Homecooked meals.
  • Beautiful views as we drive home and to work.
  • Surviving an Insanity workout.
  • Mango and Ice.

Look out for another Best Nine next month to hear all about August!

Mariangelica

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unsupportive

There are many things that happen when you start a new routine. A change in your life that you’re working towards. It could be anything. You’re a heavy spender and shopper and you’re trying to save more. You’re known to snack often on unhealthy foods and you’re now trying to dial in your nutrition. You never work out and are now starting a new workout challenge where you have daily workouts… You get my drift. A change beyond your ’normal’ beyond your ‘usual’. Many things happen! There is all this excitement that you feel from starting this new challenge! You’re pumped and eager to start. You prep really well and get mentally prepared for the hard times, but you know why you are doing this and you can’t wait to get started. This excitement is intoxicating and this is the time where you may find some people who are going to be there to keep your fire going! Those personal cheerleaders you knew you had and maybe didn’t know you had!

Motivation from others is amazing, it doesn’t just keep you accountable but it really does help. I know in my personal journey when I started doing the 21 day fix, I had incredible support from my husband and some friends but… and there’s always a ‘but’ – there were many people who kind of rolled their eyes, and told me it’d be fun for a week but that I’d probably stop doing it and not finish. They gave a quick laugh and said “Oh is this one of those other weird things you’re trying?” – These weren’t enemies or people whom I didn’t like. These were some of the closest people to me, even got some scoffs and eyes being rolled from FAMILY! Ouch! It was hard! At first I was hurt a bit confused and angry, and for a moment, doubted too that I would be able to finish the program I set myself to achieve, but in talking to some others going through the same program, I found that I wasn’t alone! Why was this so common?? Why were we all getting some negativity from some of the closest people?? I came up with this list through experience and in asking some people close to me! Here’s some reasons why you may be getting some negativity from someone close to you and how to deal with these: For the purposes of answering I will answer these relating to a new fitness/nutrition program, but they can be applied to many different lifestyle changes!! (you stop smoking, you want to save more, you want to watch less TV, you want to volunteer more etc)

1. They don’t want you to get down if you quit halfway through.

They know what happened last time you started a fitness/nutrition plan. They saw you quit halfway and saw how down you got about the whole thing. They had to be there to pick you up and lift you back up and are afraid of this happening again! Explain to them that you appreciate their concern but you need all the positive energy you can get! And then use THAT promise to keep you accountable through your journey!

2. They think it’s a fad or something unrealistic that isn’t sustainable.

They might not know enough about it!! The truth is there ARE many fad diets and magic pills out there that claim to fix you in 3 or seven days. But this is where they are just misinformed! When I mentioned I was doing the 21 day fix I think some of the negativity came from one of my friends thinking that it was a crazy diet meant to give me dramatic results and that I’d gain it all back after! When I explained I actually eat five times a day and everything is natural ingredients, no pills full of chemicals, and that my workout program is a super quick 30 minutes a day routine she backed off and actually became a bit interested in what it was all about!

3. They see themselves in your faults and by you wanting to change your bad habits they feel like they need to change too and they aren’t happy about that.

Many people have things they have in common with you and if you used to bond over your hate of broccoli but neither one of you had tried it and when you did you loved it it removes things you used to dislike or have a laugh about together! They might start to realize they should be trying new foods too but don’t want to feel that pressure! Remind them this is your journey and they are not forced to do anything!

4. They use you as their ‘bad habit allowance’

They know that you love donuts, and it’s their guilty pleasure too, so although they don’t go out of their way to get it and they surely don’t eat it around other friends, with YOU they know they can pig out on a half a dozen donuts and not feel bad about themselves because you’re just like them! When you stop eating donuts they don’t have anyone to do this with and have to realize they may be making some bad decisions and you changing your habits are bringing this to light, which makes them upset. Explain WHY you stopped eating donuts but don’t push anything on them. Inform don’t preach!

5. They feel like they’ll see you or hear from you less.

Just like joining a club or picking up a new hobby, making fitness and nutrition a part of your life might make them feel like now they’ll never see you because you’re going to turn into a gym lover who is always ‘heading to the gym’ and is obsessed with calories. Talk to them! Reassure them that your goal requires time but it’s not going to take over your free time like they may be thinking!

6. They are afraid of you turning into a food police and that you may start judging them.

No one wants to feel judged, and now that you’re being more conscious about what you eat they are afraid of getting judged when opening up their lunch box or ordering together at a restaurant and that makes them feel uncomfortable. Make sure they know that you don’t feel uncomfortable around other types of foods and that you’d never judge them!

7. They have seen you try things in the past and fail, how is this different?

They genuinely don’t believe you’ll finish it! It’ll be like that scarf you never finished or the dance classes you left unused and they expired. How is this challenge different? Tell them why! Because enough is enough and you know you are worth it! So talk to them!

8. They think it’s a scam (if you had to pay for anything related to your lifestyle change)

I got a lot of this from people close to me when I purchased my challenge pack. They didn’t give me much time to explain all that it brought and how each thing was beneficial to making this lifestyle change easier! I found that I wanted to share with them all about it but I was afraid of coming off sales-y or like I had drank the koolaid.. Eventually I realized if they cared enough to show their concern I could care enough to do what I had to do to make sure they understood how this was NOT a scam and share all I knew about it with them!

9. They are afraid to realize they need to change too.

Seeing you start to get your results, seeing you work so hard to get what you want may make them realize that they should be doing the same thing. And who wants to realize they need to change? Remember how hard it was for you! Be there for them if they need to talk and share the journey with them!

10. They may actually not be as good of an influence as you may think.

Sometimes you have to realize that there is bound to be some bad energy out in the world and you need to focus on you and only allow good energy into your life. If you have a friend that is continuously negative and unsupportive even though you’ve talked with them about how it bothers you and that you need SUPPORT, maybe distancing yourself from that person if possible is a good idea. I say communication can solve all and any issue, but sometimes, it may exhaust you and drain you. So keep our energy for where it’s best used. To be happy, to share in positive engagements, to workout, and to eat your healthy meals!!

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