Last year for the first time I chose a word of the year. I didn’t make any New Year Resolutions. I didn’t focus on specific tasks for the year but rather embodied a word for the entire year.
It was a new concept for me. It was refreshing, and almost freeing. I felt like I could focous for once! One thing to focous on. I could do this. The word was balance, and oh how I needed it last year.
I was recovering from yet another miscarriage.
I was pregnant for the third time.
I threw up 6 times a day (I wish I was exaggerating) for 5 months straight, my most prominent pregnancy symptom.
I was trying to fit in with a new team at work.
I gave birth.
I didn’t workout for a good portion of the year.
I started seeing a pelvic physiotherapist and chiropractor to help with the changes and pain my body was in post and pre pregnancy.
Bounced back after pregnancy and then ate so many cookies I put on extra weight.
Overall, balance was very much needed. Balance saved me from being critical of myself.
This year when thinking about a word for the year, I struggled for some time. It felt like the word I wanted to pick was a good one but there was a part of me that felt like it wasn’t the right year for it. Not yet, not now, something inside me said. Nothing else jumped out at me.
It was New Year’s Eve, about half an hour before we would be kissing and cheering for the beginning of a new calendar when it just came to me. Maybe because it was the end of the year and I was reflecting, or because I held Eli close to me as I swayed to music on the couch, eyes closed, taking in his scent. In that moment there was only one thing I felt, and it was grateful.
Grateful. I was overwhelmingly grateful. I have read much on gratefulness. On what being grateful every day can do for your mood, your joy, your life. It’s one of those things that I practiced before. But, how could my life and happiness be affected if i spent an entire year really embodying the word? How could I grow? I’m going to find out, because this year, I choose to be:
Adjective / [greyt-fuhl]
- warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful: I am grateful to you for your help.
- expressing or actuated by gratitude: a grateful letter.
- pleasing to the mind or senses; agreeable or welcome; refreshing: a grateful breeze.
I leave you with an excerpt from my journal. In it, I looked to the end of 2019 and described the woman I am then.
She is glowing and overjoyed as she looks upon her family. Her heart fills with love and she is grateful for all that has happened in her life to allow her to live in this precise moment.