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We. Are. Pregnant.

Wow.

The photo says it all. Our excitement is uncontainable. I’m thrilled to be sharing the news publicly now. I’m excited to be able to talk about what these last three months of our lives have been like. It’s been a ride, that’s for sure.

It’s hard to talk about this pregnancy without talking about our two previous pregnancies. I’ve openly talked with people in my life about the two babies we lost, but when I’m ready I’ll be able to truly share and put words to what that was like, because I really do believe in openly talking about how difficult pregnancy can truly be for some of us and how common miscarriage is. The topic will continue to be tabooed if we shy away from sharing our experiences. I don’t need to say much more than state that it happened, and it is because of this history that many of my experiences as a pregnant woman now may differ from that of a first timer’s. There are many ways in which these losses coat my current experiences, and many ways in which they have allowed for very different and positive outlooks on many of the things that have happened so far.

There are so many moments over the past three months where I did not feel like myself. It’s easy for me to sum up the three months in a blur of overjoyed excitement mixed with overwhelming fear and anxiety. From the moment I saw the second line appear on that home pregnancy test I fell to the floor in an incredibly powerful realization of how blessed I was to get another chance. The joy hit me like a truck and filled my very being. The tears flowed like never before. Almost just as quickly, I felt my expression change into worry. What did this mean? How could I keep this one safe, was there anything I could do? The realization again of how frail life was and how removed I was from the position of control was terrifying.

Fear marked many of my first experiences, the first trip to the bathroom was terrifying, the first ultrasound visit that wasn’t related to a miscarriage was also terrifying, pretty soon I realized this was not fair. It wasn’t fair for the little human being that was taking shape inside of me nor was it fair to Christian or me. We made a very conscious decision to remove fear from our minds, and it’s not as easy as it sounds. Lots of personal work had to happen for this to eventually be replaced by the goal which was the feeling of overwhelming gratitude. Meditation, prayer, visualization and daily mantras have kept fear at bay. It’s not like it’s impossible for it to come back, it has and will continue to, but I have a process in place for changing the thinking patterns now, and gratefulness is always the counter to fear for me.

“I am grateful to be pregnant in this moment, I am grateful for the life inside of me and I know they are happy, healthy and comfortable.”

Over and over until nothing else can occupy my mind, let the fear pass.

Right around the time I hit six weeks, the nausea paid me a visit, and made itself very comfortable in my life. It was soon found out that I had something called “Severe Morning Sickness” and this is why I spent weeks on end vomiting about 8 times a day, at all times of the day.

Some days I barely remember being awake, visions of waking up and being half carried to the bathroom by Christian. Vomiting until the blood vessels in my face burst and I left the bathroom only to fall back into his arms. Faint attempts to eat a soda cracker or two.

Days when I would start a timer after eating to push myself to hold in what I ate for at least half an hour before the breathing exercises wouldn’t work anymore and I had to run to throw up. I think the longest I made it was 27 minutes, and I was proud of that.

Without fault though, after every trip to throw up, I gave thanks. Something was happening inside me, and this was my constant reminder, my constant alert that all was well, and I was still pregnant. The gratefulness I felt, and continue to feel has kept my spirits high.

After three weeks of barely surviving on vitamin water and soda crackers, I had lost nine pounds, I looked faint and weak, I could barely keep myself upright and even water was difficult to contain. I was trying to just handle it. And I felt like I couldn’t complain, I didn’t want to either. I’d wanted this for long enough, and it was here and now, I just had to roll with whatever came. I am very much aware of those families that are still in their journey to have their positive pregnancy test and I felt like complaining was the same thing as being ungrateful. Which is very much untrue, but I share in case someone else has ever felt this way. Christian urged me to phone my doctor who quickly prescribed medication due to the severity of what I was experiencing. “All pregnant women with nausea take this,” I got the pills and after some online research on them decided I would give it a try.

It’s crazy but my immediate thought was that I was cheating at this pregnancy thing. Taking medicine to make this ‘easier’? It felt like I wasn’t going to get to experience everything as it should be, like I was choosing the easy way out. Silly, in hindsight, but I remember even then being immediately shocked at how quickly the guilt came over me. I shook my head as I took the medicine and went to bed. Guilt is not something I want to be a part of my life, again, I’m not saying you should block feelings out but I can make the conscious choice to change them.

The next morning, I woke up and went to brush my teeth, it was mid-brush that I realized I didn’t wake up with the immediate need to vomit. Relief seems like the appropriate feeling at this point, but I felt none of it. Instead I froze, toothbrush in mouth, my eyes going wide and looking at my stomach’s reflection. Why wasn’t I feeling sick, why wasn’t I throwing up, did something happen to the baby? Had something gone terribly wrong? The next hour was brutal as I worked really hard to rid myself of these thoughts. It’s the medicine, it’s working, that’s all. But I immediately thought, there’s no way I can take this medicine again, the anxiety it gave me was not worth the relief from the vomiting, throwing up had become my cue that all was well, taking it away was not going to work for me. But I couldn’t even make it to work, I still had to function. The debate was strong and didn’t last long because soon enough I was overcome with nausea and had to rush to throw up. My eyes stayed closed at the end as I gave thanks again and my heart starting beating at a normal pace.

I’ve come far since then, I now take four of those pills a day and still throw up regularly though my average has gone down to threeish times a day, thanks to the medication. It’s still been insane and some days are worse than others in terms of how little food I’m able to hold in but I’m just past the three month mark (14 weeks today!), we now wait and see if this gets a little less pronounced and allows me to focus on eating regular meals, eating vegetables and good stuff more often.

Today we live in gratitude and happiness. Sure, there are moments when we falter, but for the most part we have found balance. For now, we are grateful for each day we get. It’s a new day, baby is still here with us and there’s so much joy in just that simple thought. Christian has always been the biggest love of my life but the love I feel for him has expanded to new levels as I’ve seen him care for me day in and day out. His constant support in rubbing my back when I’m throwing up, always getting my pills, encouraging me to drink or eat throughout the day, just hugging me when I’ve been unable to keep anything in for days and making sure I never need to ask for anything. I’m grateful for him in my life, for all that he is. There is so much love in the small actions you do every day that they are so much more powerful than any grand gesture once a year ever could outdo.

Thank you for reading this far. Now we’re caught up.

Love, Mariangelica

 

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vegetarian, pescatarianVegan, Vegetarian, Lacto Vegetarian, Ovo Vegetarian, Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian, Pollotarian, Pescatarian, Raw, Rawtil4, Flexitarian.

Say that five times fast. You can learn more about what each of these are here. But the point is, wow. There are so many ways to label what we choose to put into our bodies. I’ve come to think about this topic because just this past March I hit 24 months of making a conscious decision as to the food I wanted to consume. My family isn’t vegetarian, or anywhere close to it. Back in March of 2015, we were a typical latin american family who gathered for parties and events to eat because really, we’re all there for the food, aren’t we?

Christian and I have this joke (but true story) we tell of one day early in our marriage when I got home to have my sweet husband tell me he had already made dinner. Steak! Yum. Oh and what else? No, just steak! We laugh about it now because of how much we have both grown and learned along the way. Food is something we experience many times a day, every day.

It is astonishing how little we used to think about it in the past. My mom always tried to get me to eat my veggies. I just wouldn’t budge and the colourful food was always left on my plate or I’d sneak it into one of my brother’s plates! Now as a married couple, cooking on our own, it didn’t seem so hard. Steak tastes good, pasta tastes good, extra cheesy hawaiian pizza with bacon tastes good. What is there to think about? Just follow your taste buds!

My sister though, who grew up elsewhere with her mom, was my first glimpse at a different way of eating. I also have a joke (but true story) I tell about how the first time I visited her in my teens I opened her cupboards to look for food and could only find what I called “rabbit food” Just seeds, and things in jars with gasp no labels?! And the fridge? A sea of mason jars with interestingly coloured things inside.

I walked over to the corner store purchased a loaf of white Wonderbread, a tub of margarine, Coca-Cola, and white cheese. Heading back up to her place with food, I put things away. But not after I made myself a nice grilled cheese sandwich with an ice cold coca cola to go with it. Food. I’m sure my sister was horrified, but she hid it well. While helping her with dinner I saw how she pulled out jars, seeds, some eggs, vegetables, and beans. No meat for this meal. How could something be a meal without meat? Instead, there were mushrooms and chickpeas and things I had always said I didn’t like, even when I hadn’t even given it a try. Typical teenager.

Through the years I continued to eat my way, with the additions that flourished when my mom made something delicious and then when I was done eating told me there had been carrots in it. Whatttt. Or when my yearly visits to Montreal to visit my sister would always end up in me trying something new that I actually liked. I didn’t try a pineapple or avocado until I was 20!

Somehow, somewhere, I started to think about food, and how there were all these things I never tried and assumed wouldn’t taste good. They were delicious, and interestingly, nutritious! If I look back, I think what I ate was never a concern because I wasn’t a large girl. I wasn’t overweight and didn’t look unhealthy. It’s a common mentality, and a wrong one, but regardless it is likely why food choices were not a common topic in my life.

In March of 2015, almost two years into our marriage, scrolling Netflix at home while waiting for my husband to come home from work I stumbled upon a documentary that changed my life. Forks Over Knives. I watched it in awe. I was horrified, alarmed, worried, interested, curious, and by the end, I was on my laptop researching many of the topics I had only just heard about for the first time in my life.

That very same day I decided to become Vegetarian. I just couldn’t unlearn what I had learned, I couldn’t unsee what I had seen. The numbers didn’t lie. Earlier in my life, I had seen those PETA videos, with the mistreatment of animals, and although I was horrified then, it didn’t make me stop eating meat. This though, data, information, and a new way of thinking for me made something happen, something click.

Originally, it came as a shock to most of my family. There were no vegetarians in our family, and it took a while for them to realize this was here to stay. “Oh, you don’t eat chicken either?” “Are you doing this to lose weight?” “You need protein, how are you going to get any protein if you don’t eat meat?” “This won’t last” “You need meat to be able to grow a healthy baby” “Think about the health of your future children” “Will your children eat meat?” “So what are you going to eat now? Salads forever?”

My mom came around quickly and to this day anytime we have an event or a gathering she’s always mindful to make something vegetarian, and to me, this is such an expression of love, love her for it. Naturally, Christian being the superstar he is supported me from day one and even made a plan to only eat meat if we were out with friends or out on an event but he would refrain from cooking it at home.

Through these last two years, he and I have learned more about food than in all the years of our lives prior. I have become obsessed with learning and trying. We have set foot in health food stores and regularly shop locally at farmer’s markets. I understand the value of food as a form of energy, health, and medicine. I have experienced incredible changes in energy, drive, motivation and positivity in my life. I had energy to begin exercising regularly, something I didn’t do often. I started helping other women in changing their life through the use of food and movement. I became passionate about helping others lead healthy lives, no matter if they ate meat or not.

Fish has been reintroduced into my diet in the last few months, and it’s actually interesting how natural this addition came back into my life. Through my research into things that I cared about, fish never made any appearances, thinking back, there were things in the first documentary I watched that I wasn’t following.

They spoke of the evils of anything that came from cow’s milk, yet although I don’t drink cow’s milk, I do consume cheese, butter and sometimes yogurt. They didn’t mention fish as a cause of many of the diseases and issues the documentary brought up yet I wasn’t eating it because it didn’t fall under the Vegetarian umbrella.

This was my lightbulb moment. In an age where we feel like we have to define ourselves to the world, labels help keep us in line and in check, because how hard would it be to explain that you’re not a vegan, but you don’t consume cow’s milk directly, and you are vegetarian, but you eat fish here and there, and you had that marshmallow during the campfire and yes it has gelatin, but… Do you see what’s happening?

The feeling to have to justify to your family, to the world, to yourself what you are is tiring and completely unnecessary. I have recently grown to understand that I am none of these labels. I choose to eat what brings me joy, and I choose to avoid some foods always or as often as I want to (looking at you gluten!)

So eat what you want to eat, but learn a thing or two about your food, whether you choose to care or not is up to you, but there’s nothing wrong with learning. I’ve been recently letting go of things that were bringing my life invisible stress and this issue had been one of them. I write on this blog for many reasons, but writing is one of my ways of getting my feelings out, and this is something I felt had to come out.

I’m happy doing me and to the person who judges or pokes fun at anyone for foods they put into their body, I simply feel sorry for you and wish for you to take a step back and rethink how to better add value to the world and to others, there are kinder ways of educating. Likewise, to those who choose to follow a strict diet and have your reasons as to why, know that not everyone is ready to change when you are, that everyone’s make up is different and although this has worked miracles for you, it may not be right for them and sometimes, just being an example to others of a healthy and happy life, how my sister was to me, does more to intrigue or help someone than flat out shaming or trying to convert everyone you meet to your way ever could.

You do you girl, label or no label.

Love,

Mariangelica

 

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I turned 27, and no, I am still not an expert at life (is anyone, really?) but I have learned a few life lessons that I wasn’t entirely aware of in my teen years that I wish I had known. I wanted to share them, in case any of these resonated with some of your own life lessons. Let me know in the comments what’s one thing you’ve learned in your life that you didn’t grasp when you were a teenager?

Let me know in the comments what’s one thing you’ve learned in your life that you didn’t grasp when you were a teenager?

1. Energy is real, and it’s important.

The energy we surround ourselves with every day is something to take note on. The energy we put out into the world with our thoughts will come to us. So be positive and surround yourself with positive, good, cleansing and healing energy and remove yourself from situations where you feel your energy being sucked out.

2. Take a compliment.

Being self conscious, having body image issues, feeling less then, or being insecure all lead to very many different ways of taking a compliment. Do you compliment back, do you believe they are just telling you that because they feel like they need to. Do you look down in the dumps and that’s why they said something nice to you? The amount of damaging thoughts we have sometimes it’s unreal. Just say “Thank you”.

3. Enjoy the time with your loved ones.

People go unexpectedly. They’re here today and gone tomorrow. There’s things I wanted to say, wish I would have said and long for just one more hug and smile from them. I know they’re in the most incredible spirit realm. I know and trust they are happy and calm and with all the goodness that are other pure souls, but if it’s taught me anything it’s to cherish those souls when they are around me in this plane. To hug and cherish every good time, and love deeply.

4. Green veggies are for all.

It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I lived off of morning sugary cereals with hormone filled cow milk, lunched on white bread (sugar) with a cold cut meat and some cheese and dined on the only proper meal of my day which was my mom’s home cooked dinners of usually steak, potatoes and rice, avoiding salads at all costs. My life has done a complete backflip, or would this be considered a front flip… I have educated myself and continue to do so (because really there’s just so much to learn) on the importance of food, the importance of real ingredients and the importance of eating locally grown produce. I’ve stopped eating land and air animals and my health has become of clear importance in my life.

5. Love fully and deeply.

There was once a quote I read that said something like “The one that loves less has more power in a relationship.” When I was young and was just getting over the biggest heart break of my teenage years I believed these words. I thought they made perfect sense. If I love less I’ll be protected, if I love less, I can’t be hurt.

But this, young me, was foolish and wrong and thankfully, you understood what true, real, and passionate love was all about and power was never a part of that homemade description. I have learned of love in these 27 years, and I will continue to learn from it when new milestones occur, and when there are little ones to love, but for now I am grateful for the lessons of love I have had so far, for I love fully, and deeply and with no holding back because there is no fear of ever being hurt.

6. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one will.

You have to believe it, because at the end of the day, no one else belief matters quite like yours. So trust yourself. This one took a while to learn.

7. Try something before you say you don’t like it.

This was not true of me in the past when it came to food that’s for sure, but when it comes to life, heck yes. I’m a trier. I try a bit of everything, and sometimes I get really passionate about something new and give it my all. Sometimes I burn out and lose focus, and other times I don’t. This is how you learn more about yourself, about what you’re like and about what you can do! Try everything! Say yes to the opportunity. Figure it out along the way!

8. Done is better than perfect.

Accomplishing something is better than quitting because you don’t feel like it will turn out quite how you want it to. I’ve been guilty of this so so so many times in the past. Why write that novel if I don’t think I’m very good? Why be a coach when I don’t have a facebook fan page. It doesn’t matter, you do it because you had told yourself you were going to, and breaking a promise to yourself just tells the universe you are not that important.

9. It’s all in the process.

The destination is pretty freaking cool. But the journey you take to getting there is where the story lies, it’s where the meat of the lesson is in.

10. Do the work.

You want to be something, do something, achieve something? Do the work, make hard decisions, wake up every day with full commitment and intention.

11. Knowing WHY is the most important piece of knowledge.

It doesn’t matter how you are going to do something or when, doesn’t even matter what you are going to do if you don’t know why you are doing it. When your why is strong you will not fail, you will not quit and you will give it your all.

12. I have a lot more to give of myself, and to be.

I am young, although my mind fights me on that one and whispers how close 3-0 truly is. Truthfully, I am excited for what is to come and how my role as a woman will change over the next few years. I am in love with the idea that I will become someone else, a new version of me when I become a mother and am looking forward to all that I will gain from it.

13. Focus on what you can control, and only that.

I’m a planner, and plans are always written down, on paper, in ink. Not erasable, and crystal clear. Life though doesn’t always get the memo, and sad things happen that surprise you by morphing into wonderful lessons on patience and strength.

14. Lighten up, and don’t take yourself so seriously.

It’s ok to be silly, it’s ok to joke around and have a funny conversation just because and not because it’s tied to a specific goal. Breathe, live and enjoy.

15. Every person has a story.

It’s complicated and raw, it has hardships and it has beauty. It seems easy to some, and impossible to others. But they are all real and they are all special and they all have meaning.

16. The world will only change when you do.

Complaining and sharing depressing news about the state of the world on social media won’t get us anywhere. If there’s something you want changed, you want people to be kinder, more giving, more self less, more trustworthy, then you have to start with yourself. Change yourself and you can change the world.

17. Finances are something to get educated about.

How I wish finances were a topic in high-school, in middle school even, and it should be mandatory for every college student to take a course in. For someone who has a slight anxiety issue when it comes to money, the only way I was able to have peace of mind was when we got our finances in order. There is endless information on the internet but for the most part this statement rings true: “Don’t spend what you don’t have, and give every dollar a job.”

18. Vacation and let loose.

Take time for yourself and your relationship. Disconnect and unwind. Do nothing for 3 days and lounge in your PJs, no matter the style of vacationing you prefer. Make the time, give it importance because these are moments our soul needs to reset.

19. Smiles are powerful.

A stranger on the street, someone passing you on the hallway. Smiling makes people’s lives better. They can save lives, they can make invisible people seen. They have power we do not understand.

20. Learn more life lessons

Be a sponge, learn from everyone, gather inspiration from the world. Teach yourself about life.

21. Gratefulness is key in attracting good things in life.

The law of attraction, have you heard of it? Well did you know it works just as well if we complain and think negative thoughts? We’ll just have more of that, which nobody wants. Instead we need to focus on being grateful for all we have, every day, every moment. When we practice this every day we will see the things we are grateful for will multiply!

22 People deserve a second chance.

People have wronged me, they’ve been cruel, and horrible. They could be family, they could be friends, either way. Bless and release. If they care enough to try again, to rekindle what was there, and you feel safe in doing so, people deserve another chance. You may be surprised with who they’ve become!

23. I will never escape stress.

Stress is felt by everyone in many different ways, and accepting that it’s something that will morph and grow with me is something I have learned to understand. Management of stress and understanding how it manifests are all topics to learn more about and knowing that just because you don’t ‘feel’ stressed doesn’t mean you aren’t. Sometimes it is reflected in a weak body part or muscle.

24. Your passion is everything.

Find what you are passionate about and when you find a way to do that every day, the amount of happiness and joy it will bring into your life will be incredible and noticed by all.

25. Minimalism is the key to many issues.

Buy less things, accumulate less things, spend money on experiences. Collect memories. Live freely.

26. Family is more than blood.

Sometimes you find family along the way.

27. I am enough.

I need only be who I want to be. There is just one person who can be me, and it’s me. I am intelligent, honest and caring. I am my friend, and I am enough.

27 Life lessons. In 27 years. If I live to be 100, I’ll have learned 73 more. Ooof, long way to go! So much to experience, so much to learn.

Much love,

Mariangelica

 

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21df-free-meal-plan-1

It’s Monday and today I start (another round) of the 21 Day Fix! You can get your own here! This is by far my most favourite fitness program from all of Beachbody’s line of workouts. Every Monday I get this electrifying reminder that it’s the beginning of a new week and there’s so much thrill in the beginning of anything.

The beauty of this program is the nutrition aspect. I am not a nutritionist, nor an expert in nutrition, and you shouldn’t have to be to get the benefits of any program. Your body is made in the kitchen. Working out is a part of being fit and healthy, but food is a much bigger part. The 21 Day Fix Program brings coloured containers that make it so easy to plan your meals and eat the correct portions to achieve your goal. And I’m all for easy hah.

The program starts with a booklet with a formula for figuring out which caloric bracket you fall under, and trust me this is the first and last time you have to look at calories! I honestly do not look at calories anymore, it’s been so freeing!

After the calculation I am told exactly how many containers of each colour to consume in a day and boy is it a lot of food! I know some of my past challengers have questioned if they really should eat that much food, and the answer is YES. Your body will be working out hard everyday and you need fuel for your body. Plus, here’s a secret, if you were gaining weight before trying this program out, then you were eating MORE calories than the ones in your bracket, so remember that. It’s all about the quality of the ingredients you are eating!

THE MEAL PLAN

Being Vegetarian AND Gluten Free really forces me to go to the natural ingredients and be a bit more creative than usual when planning out my meals. So the meal plan might look a bit drastic to a gluten & meat-eater’s eye, but that’s the beauty of this program, just change all your red containers to your preferred choice of protein and give it a go! I’m sharing this because it helped me when doing groceries for the week! As a note: I know it’s a lot of eggs, if i get tired of eggs halfway through the week I may switch to something else from the list! Remember, make it your own!

free-mealplan

 

I hope you give this program a try, it has been a complete life-changer for me!

Have you tried the 21 Day Fix? Do you follow a meal plan you love? I’d love to hear about it! Let me know in the comments below!

 

 

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